Illness and loneliness
Chronic illness changes relationships in ways that are rarely discussed openly. The partner or family who stayed — who committed to being there through the illness — may now be exhausted, may have taken on too much, may find that the relationship has become more carer-patient than equal partnership. The ill person may feel guilty for the burden, may suppress their own needs to protect the relationship, may feel more alone inside the relationship than they expected.
Illness imposes a new dynamic on a relationship without anyone's consent. The roles shift — one person becomes more dependent, the other more responsible. Activities and plans that defined the relationship may no longer be possible. The sexual relationship may change. The balance of emotional labour shifts. These changes can happen gradually, each one individually manageable, but in aggregate they produce a relationship that feels different from what both people signed up for.
Saying any of this is difficult. The ill person does not want to burden the partner further. The partner does not want to add to the ill person's guilt. So the feelings — resentment, grief, sadness, exhaustion — go unexpressed. Both people carry them alone, while presenting a functional front to the world.
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